Some of these songs had me in stitches. I really liked I Will Revive.

Bought train tickets for me and my cherub Phil to take the Coast Starlight from Tacoma down here to San Diego. Oddly enough, it costs the same to ride from Seattle as it does from Tacoma. The only sad thing is that we leave Tacoma at 11AM, so I won't have time to do or see anything since I get in late the night before. That leaves me wishing I knew someone who lives in Tacoma that I could stay with, but apparently I must simply hope the local motel isn't some cheesy dive.

I sent an online request for information to the local Toshiba repair place about my laptop. This is the most inopportune time for it to go kerplooie since a) I am leaving in a week and a half to get my cherub and had hoped we could watch DVDs on the stupid thing whilst on the train and b) I haven't got any spare dinars to pay for a spendy repair job. Still, repair can only be cheaper than a new laptop no matter how much I want to justify it :/

There is a god of computing who likes me.

If the link doesn't work, here's the self-help tip: Find the obscure little teeny button thing and press it rapidly to see if that helps. It did. We can see!

Amended a second later: Well, we could see for about a minute :( Tapping obscure little teeny button thing no longer works. Bastards. :(

My laptop is apparently dead. I'm not sure what to do, but the screen is extremely dark. :( If I tilt it this way and that, I can see that it has stuff showing up, but trying to boost the brightness isn't making any of it any more visible. My sounds are playing ("You have my sword...and my bow...and my axe!" which is my startup .wav :>), but no visible visuals.

That makes me suspect if I try to hook it up to my big desktop monitor I'll just have a big desktop sized black screen. :(

I'm pretty sure this is related to a problem that the laptop has been having on and off for a while where I would boot it up and get an error about something or other. Yesterday, when I dutifully opened an internet connection and sent in the little report, it came back with, "We can fix this!"

No. Apparently they cannot. I don't remember what exactly the message said and there sits my laptop, its screen dark and lonesome. I don't know what I'm going to do now. :(

Hepl.

My friend Dianne and I were chatting yesterday and I told her about the letters I dug up. She said she too has a collection of letters and suggested they were blackmail opportunities...until I started quoting to her from some of her own letters.

We're going to celebrate our high school reunion (since it doesn't look like there's an official one; or if there is, neither of us has been invited) this October by meeting in San Francisco, spending the day at a spa and then burning the letters.

We do not ever want our cherubs to know what naughty girls we were back then. :D

Cleaning the closet for Chris' eventual arrival, I opened a box and found my old high school letter collection. :)

In the dinosaur days before texting, my friends and I would write notes on actual paper! Often we wrote things intending for them to be passed around to all our other friends, which is how I ended up with so many of my own letters after they made the rounds.

My writing style has not changed much. I give you an excerpt written about but never actually given to a boy who had had a crush on me and then like a toad I stepped on his heart and broke it :/ He got his revenge though, when he suddenly sprouted from 5'4" to over 6' and became quite the hottie. Anyway the note ends:

Please, please, I beseech you, greet me once more with those tender words -- "Howzit, Tracy."
Until you summon me, I remain,
Bewilderingly True

Then there's this "official memo" that starts off

To: BDE CO (brigade commander, for the non-military out there)
From: Co. A CO-to-be (Company commander-to-be, which apparently I was)
Sir:
This is just a polite bread-and-butter note in which I propose to tell you that I wish you'd drop dead.

Now I wish I could remember what the heck that was all about :D

Most of the letters I have are between myself, Dianne, Lisa and Ruth, though there's a couple of other notes scattered throughout. When I read them now I'm struck by how rotten my handwriting is; I can barely understand some of my letters. Apparently, I have them sorted chronologically (because I'm anal), which makes it even funnier to see the same events unfolding across all our different perspectives.

When I read these notes now, sometimes I remember what the motivations were for the incidents discussed but other times it seems like a book in which everything happened to other people.

Since my high school friend Kurt apparently reads my blog now, here's something I wrote to Ruth about him on December 19, 1978 (aieee!) "Kurt gave me a piece of gum today in return for one he took yesterday." Geeze, how lame; I'm sure there's something better in this collection. Who knows? :)

I sat out on the patio for a while, cooking myself. My usual sun protection: lip gloss with spf 15. Probably I am working my way toward an untimely cancerous demise, but I wanted to just relax and not do anything.

Back inside, I ponder again the colors on my new blogger template. They aren't so far from my old colors, actually. Thinking about colors made me think of the Color Quiz, so for kicks I took it again and was surprised. It's pretty spot on for this moment in my life.

Your Existing Situation
Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems, but is either unwilling or unable to exert the effort.

Your Stress Sources
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.

Feels that she is receiving less than her share and that there is no one on whom she can rely for sympathy and understanding. Pent-up emotions and a certain egocentricity make her quick to take offense, but she realizes that she has to make the best of things as they are.

Your Desired Objective
Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.

Your Actual Problem
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.

Still don't know why my other template weirded out, so like any somewhat non-techie, I just changed the underlying template to a new one. Not sure I like the color, but I'll keep fiddling with it.

Not sure what happened, but I see blogger has moved my post waaaaaay to the bottom of the archives list. :/

Friends are a wonderful thing. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any friends in California, but I do. Even when they're not right here, I can always reach out and touch someone.

Thanks, Sushi :) I don't know what I'd do without you!

I've always been lucky enough to have a lot of friends; one of those kids who always had a group of other kids around. Still, I always had at least one "best friend" with whom I could share secrets, snacks and whatever else we were into at the time.

My first best friend was Diana Kessler. She changed schools after 3rd grade and I've never seen her since. After Diana, I was best friends over the years with Ford (we were a particularly naughty pair, at least till he was expelled in 4th grade :D), Deanna, Wendy, Dianne, Ruth, Angie and Lisa until I graduated from high school.

After high school, though, best friends seems like an oddity more so than a regular occurance. As an adult, my 'best' friends were women I worked with, like Diane, Lynda and Melani. Or, they'd be women who lived on the same Army base that I did, like Louise and Cheryl. Where I work now, there aren't many women with whom I have that sort of bond.

In a lot of peculiar ways, Matt's my best friend. Although unlike a girl best friend, he accidentally started telling someone something I'd told him...something a girl would have known was a secret. Fortunately, since he isn't a girl, I could backhand him to make him shut up. Maybe it's a good thing he's not a girl. :)

Saw Batman Begins today thanks to work :) Other than crying over the beginning and getting startled by something or other later, I totally enjoyed it. Poor Sean (who sat beside me after Kevin so wisely moved) was kind enough to rub my shoulder when I leapt out of my seat. I can't remember which part it was, but I was pretty agitated for a minute.

Matt's been teasing me about putting up a personal ad for months. The other day he wrote one up, set up a gmail account for responses, then handed me the password. "You have to approve the ad anyway so take a look," he said. I logged into the account and there was the ad, with instructions on how to edit it. Overall, it looked pretty good considering, so I removed the reference to my needing sex and clicked on OK. I thought that was, "Ok, I'm done editing." Apparently no, it's "Ok, post this ad."

You may view it here. :/

He must write these things in his spare time for extra cash. I mean, that's really not too bad of an effort. Either that or he's been mentally writing this up ever since he first suggested it. In any case, he gains no brownie points since the same day he set this up he pointed out that chronologically, I'm old enough to be his grandmother. :P That boy should really stop when he's ahead.

When you've spent the morning filling out divorce papers, it's not a good idea to spend the afternoon watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. :/

In a way I've been feeling divorced for several months. The paperwork is merely the offical step toward singleton status again. Every time I feel like I'm climbing out of sadness, I slip a little bit back, but maybe once it's official, I can keep climbing.

I wouldn't erase any memories of our marriage, though. How can you learn from your mistakes if you wipe them away like the movie? :) Rob and I still talk on IMs. He can still make me laugh and groan and wish I could throw a stuffed sheep at him. Some folks marry their best friends and that's good for them. I married mine and it wasn't so good for us, but we're still friends.

Finished the first Dark Tower book this weekend. Weird stuff. Now onto book two.

Since I'm not getting much sleep, I spend a lot of time thinking. Dangerous business, this whole thinking thing!

Baby Griffin is sleeping beside me on the covers right now (it's Saturday afternoon, though I probably won't post this till tomorrow) while Todd and Amy are at the movies. They're another one of those happy couples I've met in San Diego.

I keep reaching back in my memory; did I ever know so many married folks who appear this happy? It really does seem unnatural on many levels. We work some odd and long hours, yet I know at least 4 - 6 couples that appear to have exactly the happily-ever-after sort of relationship that I thought I might have. Maybe they aren't that happy but if not, they all do an excellent job of covering it up.

It makes me wonder how different my life might be if somewhere along the way to now I'd met someone with whom to conquer all the challenges of our lives, together. Maybe that's my way, to retreat when the going gets too tough. Maybe I expect too much from any one man. Maybe I simply haven't met the person who will be able to put up with me yet. Maybe I don't really want to be happily-ever-after, after all.

Well, no, that can't be it. I'm a hopeless romantic; of course I want happily-ever-after. Maybe someday.

I am so exhausted. If only sleep came as easily every night that I'm not reeling from the terror of roller coasters. :/ Every evening as I get ready for bed I tell myself, "Tonight I will sleep soundly and wake up refreshed." Every morning I fall asleep sometimes by 1AM, sometimes not and I awake at exactly 3AM. If I'm lucky, I fall asleep again within minutes of checking the front door, but sometimes I will lie awake for hours, angry at myself for not being able to sleep.

We had a nice game night and I came home wound up so I watched some Tivo and wrote a horrible parody song, then just lay here, waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Finally asleep, then awake by 7. There is not enough caffeine in the world to keep me going at this rate.

What thoughts keep my company through these sleepless days and nights? Stuff like, how will I finish X before its due date; why do short men lie about their height, even to themselves; can my neighbors see into my apartment now that my eucalyptus tree has been pruned so horribly; does Mittens hate me for bringing Melody into the house; will Chris hate me for living in California when all his friends are in Washington; will I be able to fill out all the paperwork needed for my car, my divorce, my quests, my travel expenses, or whatever correctly and on time; will I have enough money to pay all my bills this month; why can't I sleep anymore?

Insomnia sucks. I've been awake now for three hours and everyone else is just getting up. Lucky ducks.

The true benefit of the day was the realization that I am not a roller coaster girl. Since I spend so much of my life terrified about normal things, I don't need to pay someone to frighten me.

We rode the "wussy" coaster Ninja first. I opted out of the next one, the Deja Vu. We waited in line for the Riddler coaster, but when Taylor and Matt were happily strapping me in I lost my composure (to put it mildly) at the thought of being restrained and scurried off the ride. :/

Matt made me promise to go on the next one, so I did. Frankly, I was so terrified that I started welling up in tears at the thought of having to go through with it. Unfortunately, when we got into the cars, I was unable to make the same hasty and frightened retreat as I had from the Riddler. My eyes were shut the entire time, aside from periodic peeking. A 250 foot drop followed by exciting speeds of up to 85 miles per hour. Whee.

My favorite ride of the day was the very last one. We went to dinner and then stopped by the Brookstone shop where Faith and I sat in the massage chairs. Those are just my speed.

Sometimes one person in one moment can change your life.

The first time Matt drove me anywhere in his little sports car, I spent the ride laughing hysterically, calling him names and screaming in terror. The other day Matt was driving us to and from lunch and I realized on the way back that I wasn't screaming. Matt said something like I'd be ready to ride a roller coaster.

I told him definitely no because I'm afraid of heights and speeding, then he pointed out we'd been doing more than the speed limit and I'd survived. He said he'd been afraid of heights but he confronted his fear and now he's over it. And suddenly, I thought, "You know, I can do this. I'm old enough to get over this." So I agreed to go with him sometime; that's when my life changed.

Sometime is tomorrow :/ Matt, his girlfriend Faith, his roommate Taylor and I are driving up to Six Flags. Sometime is so much better when it's a nebulous time in the future.

I'm watching Realm of Fear right now. I figured it would be timely :/

I've never played D & D before tonight. I decided to use Melodie, my elven bard, as my character for this adventure. Our group took over the conference room and rolled up our characters. Poor Melodie on paper is nothing like the Melodie from GS3 with all her 100 stats. This Melodie can't hit the broad side of a barn, but she's very charismatic. :)

Matt took some nice photos at the fan faire, including one of me and Broos. I have no idea what we're reviewing but I'm sure it's important!

Catching up on sleep. So far, sleep is more elusive than I would like.

Our Dinner with the Mob.

Broos likes steak, so on Saturday reservations were made for supper at Ruth's Chris. We were a party of 18. The restaurant seated us in a banquet room, where we took up one of the three long tables.

We'd been there maybe an hour when a rowdy group of male diners was escorted in to take over the other two tables. Now, we have no proof they are truly 'the Mob' but I have never seen so many untucked dress shirts unbuttoned to the waist matched with drapes of gold and silver chains at the throat. One of the group even appeared to be an Elvis impersonator, if Elvis were in the Mob and short with no neck. Our party members exchanged discrete glances and a few jokes. We weren't a particularly quiet group, but the Mob was extremely boisterous.

I noted to Kevin that because there were mostly flashy white guys with a handful of Asians in their group, perhaps the yakuza and the Mob were up to something. This suspicion was bolstered by a toast the godfather-figure made referencing one of their members "sealing the deal."

Kevin said that if some of their group got up and wandered out, he would drop his napkin to the floor to avoid being blown to bits by the machine gun fire sure to follow. And then half their table did get up to leave; we exchanged more glances. When the Mob reentered the room, one of them got up and began to fiddle with the blinds and Kevin dropped his napkin to the floor.

The Mob was impressively boisterous, which rendered normal conversation at our end of the table impossible. It was a bachelor party; their tables resounded with toasts and jokes. The godfather-figure thanked us (loudly) for putting up with them; I thanked him for buying our dinner (which fortunately he didn't hear or I probably wouldn't be here now).

And after dinner, we went to the Beach, where we danced all night (truly, I did not stop dancing until midnight or so). One of our players was really pretty impressive in his dance moves, doing the splits and stuff. I asked him to do a backflip, but the floor was a bit too crowded :( Kevin proved to be quite the dancer, too, as he was almost always out there as well. Once they opened the club to the public, I wandered upstairs with some of our VIP folks and sat and chatted for a bit before we went back to the hotel.

I had a really nice time on this trip. :) I hope I get to go again next time!

I'm home now. Mittens and Melody are perched at my feet, giving each other stink eye but otherwise being cordial. I am, of course, lounging in bed now because I am exhausted.

One thing I hate about Las Vegas is the fact that folks can smoke indoors, so they do. While the Hilton's casino area had reasonable air, the conference side had terrible circulation. Poor Matt caught something or other and was unusually subdued. It was kind of freaky to see him so quiet for the majority of the trip. Of course, the two warp core breaches he shared with one of the other designers might have hastened his illness. :)

I had a pretty good time, overall. Disconcertingly when someone introduced me at one session, a group in the far corner went, "Ohhhh...that's Owlchick." Eep. To which I could only reply, "Yes! And I'm an actual chick!" I don't know that I actually met any of these folks, though. I hate being so bad with names, but there you go.

More some other time. I fell asleep at 3 and woke up at 5 this morning (Broos, be grateful I didn't call you then). :/ While I went to bed at reasonble hours all the other nights, I don't sleep well in hotels so cumulatively I've lost more sleep than I can handle.

Hot Rocks is on the air again! Come ye and listen to the accent that makes my heart swoon. :)

How many of you signed up for classmates.com when it was new and thought it would be an interesting way to keep in touch with your old school chums (or at least see how many of them also signed up)? I did ages ago and haven't really thought much about it. Last week though someone I knew in high school sent me a note through their service. It's the first time that's happened.

Irritatingly enough, you can't respond to someone else's notes to you without signing up for one of the website's various membership plans. Since I'm not dying to know how our prom queens are doing, I decided to do the more sensible thing: I googled my correspondent :)

It was easy for me to know who he was since he's got an uncommon last name and happens to be mentioned here and there in the news. Also fortunately, I have a relatively uncommon first name as he was only guessing that it was me when he sent that note. And yes, the note was from a guy even though I went to an all-girl high school; remember, I was smart enough to take classes at the all-boy school down the street ;) Most of my friends were guys back then. Hmm. Nothing much has changed when I think about it.

Anyway, we exchanged emails and got caught up on the past 20 years or so. It was nice to hear from Kurt. We weren't particularly close; I vaguely recall there was the better part of 2 years where we barely spoke to each other. For a moment though while reading my email, I am young and carefree, and the most important thing in the world is who will ask me to what dance.

Time for me to set a spell now while I soak my dentures and relive the past.

Between stuff and things, I totally forgot to call Steph and now she's leaving :( I'm sorry! Please forgive me! Come back! Come...baaaaaack!! :/

Candyce emailed me a recipe for an angel food cake to serve with a fruit salad. She's making the salad, I came home tonight and made the cake. Except as I separated 10 (ten!!) eggs and read the recipe again, I noticed they forgot to indicate how much sugar to use. I consulted other similar recipes and decided it was calling for a total of about 1.5 cups of sugar. Still, that seemed like a lot so I cut it to 1.33 cups. We'll see if that worked. The cake's cooling on a shelf here in the bedroom (where I can keep an eye on it and cats off it), and I can see it's not as fluffy as last week's cake. Ah, well! On the bright side, it's heart-friendly and very low in sodium.

Next week is our fan faire, which is I guess a bigger version of the Con that I used to go to when I worked for the little game. I looked at some photos. It's a much bigger version. We'll be in Las Vegas for a few days. Will my cats still be inside the apartment when we get back? Will one or the other have finally beat the other cat into a quivering lump of submission? Who can say? Not anyone I know, since they'll either be in Vegas too or they have family things to do. :/ I shall leave out extra big pans of water for them, spread puppy training pads on every surface that looks like they might want to pee on it and hope for the best.

I like Antiques Roadshow UK, but it's apparently impossible to get anything more current than 2001 here in SoCal. While the American show is interesting, I find the British accents very soothing and their antiques are often much older than ours. Nothing like doing a bit of gardening and digging up a 14th century ring, what what! In lieu thereof, I've been watching Cash in the Attic, a BBC show that combines accents, antiques and some of the best puns I've ever heard, even from Broos.

Speaking of whom, he has a new live-in :) John and Michele hooked them up. Broos, you are more than welcome to take over the comments to dish the details!