The Spring Quarter starts today. It occurred to me late last night as I tossed and turned, trying to figure out my week, that Wednesdays I won't be home for more than a couple of hours. I have class in the morning till 11AM, then bus to Seattle for the internship till 5PM, bus back home, get home around 6:20PM and head right back to school for my evening class which starts at 7PM. Bleech.

I'm wondering whether I can offer to intern less this quarter. I need a maximum of 150 hours. I registered to do 120 hours. Last week, if I remove my lunch hour from the mix, I worked 35. That leaves 85 hours, which over 11 weeks of a quarter is just under 8 hours a week. Perhaps I can negotiate to leave early. Or perhaps, given the bus schedule, I will just make the requirement. On the bright side, the more hours one works, the more one gains an understanding of the firm and its business. On the down side, I won't be home from 8AM until nearly 10PM on Wednesdays. That kind of schedule will leave me entirely drained and unhappy and I already know it.

Considered dropping geology, the day class. I need the night class as it's business/corporate law, which is part of my area of interest. I need 12 credits minimum to remain eligible for financial aid. There are no classes that I'm interested in and that push me toward my graduation for only 3 credits. Without geology, I will have 9 credits. I'm going to examine the quarterly schedule of classes one more time; perhaps desperation will provide inspiration.

As I get older, I recognize the limits of my tolerance and patience. I will be neither tolerant nor patient if my week is spent rushing from one assignment to the next.

Grades are out for the last quarter. I did better than I anticipated. I got 4.0 in both employment and ethics, and a 3.9 in civil procedures (which is the class I wasn't comfortable that I knew what I was doing). This boosts up my GPA a little bit, which makes me breath slightly easier as this next quarter I'll be taking geology and quantitative geology. The latter class is online, but is specifically dealing with the mathematical concepts of graphing as they relate to geology. I suspect it won't be an easy class for me. :/ I'm also doing my internship and taking business/corporate law.

The airline called me again to try and schedule a second interview, but I had to decline as I didn't think it fair to tell my internship site that I needed time off. I emailed the personnel coordinator at the airline later to explain why I was unavailable and as it turns out, no one else was available either so they're postponing the second interviews until the senior attorney returns from two weeks of labor negotiations in DC.

This has some plusses and minuses, much like the prospect of taking a job with the airline to begin with. I had hoped that by this week, they'd have made a decision (which had been their goal). That way, I could graciously drop out of my geology classes and do only night classes and still get the tuition refunded. Of course, I don't pay the tuition myself; I get a tuition waiver because I'm unemployed, but the state could certainly use the money. :) If they offer me the job and I've been in class a while, I'll have already cashed my student loan check and will then (after dropping the geology classes) need to pay the loan back immediately. That's the part that gives me grief. I need the loan to pay the mortgage; but if I cash it and then have to pay it back real soon, that would be pretty financially difficult for me. I suppose I should pin my hopes on getting the job and making gobs of cash so that I can pay the loan back quickly.

The other part is that I'm not sure I want to work at this law firm. They seem like really nice folks, but they are so awfully busy, no one had time to show me anything. So Thursday and Friday, I filed pretty much all day. Filing is worthwhile because it enabled me to get familiar with the cases the firm has and the style of the different attorneys. But reading the documents, I felt troubled that I wasn't pulling my weight. Here's a firm that needs help, apparently desperately, and I'm not at the point where I can do it. That bothers me, I hate not being at least minimally competent at something.

Oh, well. I'm really hoping to get the airline job now. I miss having a paycheck. I miss knowing what I'm doing and at the least I'd know what I'm doing as a secretary, with enough exposure and time to learn the legal side of things. It would be nice to work for an established company again. While I could enjoy working for the law firm, I think it would take all the months of my internship for me to build that confidence.

Things I have learned this week:

I have written a Notice suitable for filing with the court.

The security at the Bankruptcy Court left me scratching my head. I went there to get a copy of a docket for one of our cases and as I put my purse on the conveyor belt for the screening, stuff started falling out. The screener said, "Don't worry about it; I'll just hand it to you on the other side." So that means all I'd have to do, if I were a bad person, is drop my incendiary device from my purse and it won't have to go through the screening machine. Well.

I've converted a contract from one where you have to hunt and fix names to a form where you tab from field to field.

I know which bus doesn't come close enough to my house for me to walk (that was the other night when Rob had to come get me from the Park and Ride).

The Indian food place in the Columbia Tower will let me buy a side order of naan and a side order of curry, for under $3.

Things I would like to learn:

Not to read the headlines and more especially the biographies of any service members who are missing or KIA.

This is Spring Break. I'm interning downtown in Seattle all week long. It's nice to be back in the city; I forgot how much I enjoy the energy and the excitement of being downtown.

It might have been less exciting if I were on the end of town with which I am most familiar. Since I'm on the other side, the "financial district" end, I spent some time at lunch puzzling out where streets went and how they connected. Lots of the downtown buildings connect underground, but I've never been through the tunnels in this area. It was cool to walk around at lunch, get my photo taken for the building ID badge (required due to 'orange alert' status), and be a part of a law firm.

Although, it's sort of, shall we say, having growing pains. Stuff is in boxes all through the hallway as the firm will be moving into new space once that space is remodeled. As I did some filing, the paralegal who also works for my attorney noted that I need to be careful of the cabinet's top drawer; it doesn't pull open and is taped up to keep it from collapsing into the drawer beneath it. My "new" desk ("If you don't like it, we can trade it in," enthused my attorney. Another partner snorted, "Where? at the dump?") is tin, covered with fake laminate that's peeled off the corners. The LAN guy set up a spare laptop for me to use and as he wired it to the network, I noticed my desk sagging sideways. I held the desk up while one of the partners crawled under it with a Leatherman tool to tighten the screws holding the legs onto it. Heh. Then I realized, I haven't got a chair, so one of the other paralegals and I went looking for one. There aren't any spares and after determining that we can't order any new furniture (because once the office is remodeled, new furniture is supposed to be coming), he told me to swipe a chair from the conference room. "But don't take either of the ones by the window," he cautioned. "One of them is missing a wheel and the other one has a wheel ready to fall off." My attorney has a penchant for buying office equipment on eBay and I overheard other staff people gently poking fun at his desire to save money this way.

Well. That certainly puts the financial footing of law firms in a new perspective. :)

The day ended on a funny note. I caught the elevator with one of the other folks from the office and we chatted as we walked thru one of the building's tunnels. He said, "So! I hear you're right out of school! Did you just graduate from high school?" I had to laugh, "Er, no, but thanks!" Hehehehe. Day One over. Ready for Day Two.

Interview yesterday went well. Rob and I discussed what I should do if they do decide to offer me the job. There's a lot of plusses to it, some minuses as well.

Plus: It's an airline so free/low cost flights. They're within 20 minutes of home and have free parking on site. The work is primarily executive assistant stuff (which I know how to do) with some legal paperwork (which I theoretically know how to do but haven't in real life). The work is in employment law, my area of interest, and as long as a company has employees it'll need employment law. They have flex time so I can work varied hours if necessary.

Minus: It's an airline so who knows how long they'll be in business before they go belly up or get bought out. The work is primarily executive assistant, been there done that, with some legal paperwork. The work is in employment law and if they do get bought out, the other company will probably pitch all our employment attorneys and keep their own. They may not be able to flex enough for me to do my internship in Seattle (which I explained to them that I feel honor-bound to complete, as I'd already made those arrangements before getting called by the airline).

So, who knows? They may offer me the job and I'll have to seriously think about it. Or, it could go the way of all the other jobs in the last year -- to someone else.

I think I'm becoming immune to certain types of stresses, which could be a good thing. It was a Very Bad, No Good, Horrible night last night, probably starting at the time where I thought my Ethics final would begin at 7PM, and then realizing that no, that's when class is over -- fortunately early enough for me to get to school in time to take the exam.

It's tonight's exam that starts at 7PM.

A company I applied at last summer called me last week, and after a round of phone tag with them, decided they want me to come in for an interview tomorrow. So, while I have a pretty good career map of what I can do (interning 2 quarters and maybe take a job at that firm), I'll still go to the interview because one never knows how things may turn out. The company may not want me (again) so what's to lose? If they do want me, I'll worry about that then. There's no harm in window shopping for a job.

Last week I got Adobe Acrobat 5.0. I've always wanted it, and the college bookstore had it for a very good student discount so I got it. My first document is an updated memorial booklet, including posts made after the original was compiled. It seemed like a worthy project to take on.

I must finish studying. Final in Ethics tonight and Civil Procedures tomorrow night. Funny how now that I am at the end of the classes, I am not inspired to look at the books any longer. It's a real challenge to sit down and focus on the words. But I must get A's and so back to the books I go, reluctantly.

Cabbages! A very good recipe, indeed. We had this last night with our corned beef. Normally, I cook the cabbage with the beef, but Rob wanted them kept separate, and since this recipe was on Good Eats last week, I gave it a go. It's great! I hope Broos has this on the wedding Tivo!

Why is it that a purported "organizer" can leave one without enough space to stick all the stuff that used to be jumbled into the same space? I bought a two-tier turntable for the cabinet and put my assortment of little spice boxes and jars onto it. It's full. And there's no room now in the cabinet for the two types of pasta I used to keep behind the spices. Sigh.

I would like to get one of those wire pull-out shelves to do my pots and pans with, but now I fear that trying to do that, I'll end up with no place for those very pots and pans! Argh!

My ex-husband is somewhere that starts with the letter "I" in preparation for the unstoppable war. Last year at this time, he was in Kuwait. This time, I'm afraid he's someplace more dangerous: Iowa.

Yesterday afternoon I spent going over my employment law final with two other students in the class. We live fairly near to each other and got together for the mid-term studying as well, essentially doing a round-robin of the test (which our teacher provides the class with beforehand) and debating our answers. It's a good system, although we tend to digress :) Now I must type out my answers to the final (it's a take-home) and hope that our debate has left enough residue for my final answers to jell.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, y'all!

I feel much better now, after a couple of days of general lounging combined with some essential spring cleaning. Spring cleaning in my closet.

Ever since I got the internship job, in the back of my mind I've been obsessed with the lack of suiting in my closet, but somewhere I knew I had more. Thanks to cleaning both the closets in our room, I unearthed some suits that I'd put away in garment bags as I hadn't needed them as a secretary. After cutting out the Dynasty shoulder pads, they look presentable. Stuff that I'm just plain tired of looking at is in the Goodwill pile. Although, the condo is having a garage sale next weekend and perhaps a $5/any outfit bin could net a couple of dinar for lunch at least.

The nice thing about cleaning a closet is the satisfaction I feel from opening the door and seeing it tidied up in there. In fact, I left the doors open most of the day so that each time I went upstairs I could recapture that feeling. It's an offshoot of my inner desire for a neat living space. When things get hectic, neatness goes out the window and with it, my sense of security and homey-ness. No wonder there's Spring cleaning; it restores some balance and feels good. Perhaps later: the....kitchen! Aieeee! :)

Goals for this week: Finals. Grocery shopping. Haircut.

Sick as a dog. Bleech.

Got to watch the WA Supreme Court in action yesterday, they were at the Regional Justice Center and I dragged myself into the court room to watch. Which on one hand was a mistake as I could feel myself getting sicker as the day wore on; on the other hand, though, it was a cool look up close at an appellate hearing.

Rob was a hero last night. He called on his way home from work to ask if I wanted him to bring something home for supper, and he didn't even know I was sick. So he stopped by the Chinese restaurant and got a container of hot and sour soup for me. How nice. It's exactly what I wanted but couldn't put into words around my swollen tonsils.

And now, I have to drag my sad behind to school. Finals are next week. Must drag onto campus.

Step right up, get your Zoodiac horoscope!

I'm a timberwolf and I'm okay. ;)

What a cool idea, Broos! I think a Tivo filled with shows for the recipient is pretty spiffy!

I have to laugh at the motley assortment of stuff on the Tivo at Sheepville. Half of it is devoted to cooking shows, another big chunk to forensic shows, another chunk to Star Trek, and a slice for Northern Exposure. And a weekly dose of Survivor. Sigh.

Although, it does get kinda tense amongst the sheep when the Alpha Ram has the controls and wants to back up to review something. That's when I start gibbering; after all, TV is meant to watch in forward motion! But Rob will find the part he wants, and go forward. Then back. Then forward. Then back. At which point, I'm usually tossing the cats off the couch to try and wrestle the remote out of Rob's hands. Unfortunately, he's still taller than me sitting down, so all he needs to do is extend his arm and I can't reach it. Men.

There's something so sweet about opening up email in the morning and finding a congrats note from someone you've always liked and admired! Thanks for the hug, Lynn! Back atcha! :)

I wonder if I can get back into the morning person groove. That's what I'd always been in my life, up at dawn's early light, flitting around when no one else was up to pester me. I love the way the sunlight filters differently through the windows, and how when Maggie whines to be let out and I open the door, everything smells so fresh and green. It's like having the whole world waiting for me!

In the summer, I like to take my first cup of coffee and sit on the concrete slab. There's a couple of steps from slab to door, and they're the perfect place to sit, sip and reflect. And try to toast the legs, too. :) Since I put out the planter boxes, it's been a more pretty place, too. I've gotten some year-round pansies and rosemary; although I also got a lovely little "lime thyme" I think that's kind of biting the dust. Also, this year my crocuses came up! And the nice thing is that they're a pale lilac color, so they match the pansies (dark purple flecked with gold) perfectly. It looks like I planned it that way! Hah!

A new person has moved into the unit north of me. I met her last week, when upon hearing a large truck near the garage I flew into a panic and thought it was garbage day -- which of course it wasn't, so there I was in my grubbies with the garage door purring open, and lo! It was a moving truck filled with movers who gawked at me, barefoot and grubby in my garage, wrestling with the trashcan. On the bright side, I met Bea, the neighbor. And I also cleaned up the garage. Adrenaline well-spent. :)

It must have been the new suit. A long black skirt, down almost to my ankles with a slit up the back to just above my knees, with an Eisenhower jacket accented by a braided black leather belt. Total ensemble cost: $55. Paired with my Hawaiian gold bracelet (one of the only pieces of jewelry I own, besides my wedding ring that looks expensive) and a maroon scarf, I looked pretty daggone professional. I even did my hair in a French twist.

And so, the attorney I interviewed with on Friday is going to take a chance on this unknown paralegal newcomer. I'll be interning there this coming quarter, and possibly into the next quarter as well. And then, after Labor day, still provided the intervening months go well, I will be working at his firm.

Now, this raises some interesting questions in my mind: Am I this desperate? Or do I truly think this is a good move? Let us ponder:

Desperate Votes: My unemployment extensions run out in June; he's the only lawyer who expressed interest in my resume; their office does not handle many employment law cases, which is what interests me; I had wanted to work for a larger firm as they offer more security (in my mind any how); the office is located in downtown Seattle, but not in an area of it with which I am familiar; I bought two suits for this one interview, damnit!

Good Move Votes: He's the only lawyer who expressed interest in my resume, therefore he's already interested in what I can do; their office is in a growth mode (they've hired two attorneys in the past five months); they handle contracts, which is what I am ultimately interested in; in a small law firm one has to learn everything as there are no niches; the office is in downtown Seattle on the other side of town from all the shops.

At any rate, this will be good experience for me, regardless of whether I stay or whether I leave. And since this is the first time in the last year that someone wanted me particularly for a job, other than work study, it's a confidence booster as well.

Something is blooming and is making my eyes water and my nose run. How rude.

Going to the campus today for some workstudy time. The woman I work for really needs a full-time assistant, the stuff I do for her is so limited because my time is so limited. Next quarter, if I'm interning, my time will be nonexistent and I won't be any use to her so there will go my work study job.

However, I've noticed that what I don't earn in a quarter via workstudy is moved to the next quarter. So that means, if I don't use up all my funding there'll be more work study money in the pot for later, which means I might ask the internship site if they'd consider paying me as a work study student. Keeping the options open, that's what it's all about.

And now to finish writing a paper on how 2-year colleges can increase diversity of faculty and staff. Anyone know how? Anyone? Anyone?

So yesterday (per prior arrangement) I called the attorney at whose office I would like to intern. After a couple minutes chatting about his needs, my needs, the program's needs, he said something like, "And if this works out, we would hire you." To which I wittily replied, "You would? Oh! I didn't realize that." Doh!

Today at the HJP, I talked with the attorney of the week, Allison, who said that that's how law firms are, they intern you some and then hire you if it goes well. She said they wouldn't have bothered contacting me at all if they weren't interested or didn't think I would have potential. That was really a nice thing to hear, as I've been so battered job-wise in the past year. Just think: I've been unemployed almost an entire year now. Wow!

And so I bought a suit, on clearance at the Bon. Well, okay. I bought two suits, but the jackets and bottoms interchange so it's like having 4 suits for the price of two clearance suits. In the legal biz, apparently one must dress suited. So now I have these 2/4, plus two Liz hand-me-down suits, some blazers and skirts. I feel better now, knowing that I have enough clothes to last a week. I would hate to feel underdressed in the midst of downtown Seattle. Liz was a lot more lenient about my choice of clothing than an attorney might be. I suppose one could call my preferred style "eclectic and streamlined." I am not frilly, nor do I need ironing. I prefer to be machine washed or Dryel-able and comfy. Perhaps I can change the legal world to meet my standards of comfy! Now that would be a worthy goal, huh? :)

I dreamt that I went with Sushi to her family reunion. Why she'd pick me to go with her, I haven't a clue. :) But everyone was quite friendly to us (which shouldn't seem surprising, as it was purportedly a family reunion; shouldn't they want to see the other parts of the family?) and we sat around a card table talking with her three sisters, who all looked exactly like her, were highly energetic and extremely funny. We laughed quite a bit! And then I thought, no, I'm not at Sushi's family reunion, Sushi and I are with Suz at hers and her sister looks exactly like her. And I kept staring at her, trying to remember why that seemed wrong to me because even in my dream, I knew that Cathy doesn't look like Suz.

Some days are very good and I am at peace with all the things I must do and all the things I must let go of and move past. Some days there isn't enough time to think about things that I'd like to think about. Some days are filled with anger, remorse, guilt, fury and despair. I wonder what it must be like to wake up each day and know that it will be the same as the day before. Is that comforting? Or frightening?

Now that folks speak openly about taking medications like Prozac, I've run into several who, without prompting, mention how it made them feel. Everything was the same. Nothing bothered them. Nothing made them ecstatic. They say they felt numb and detached and ultimately stopped taking the medication because it was such an odd feeling, to not feel. I can't imagine not caring about everything, worrying, fretting, laughing out loud. Is the alternative to life being numb? Why would anyone choose to live that way?

Steph talked about recognizing when one's grown up, and asked whether any of us could point to when that happened. Or something. I'd go and look but I'm pressed for time as I have to scoot out the door to class shortly.

I'm not really all that mature now, but I worry a lot, which I think is a sign of recognizing what has to be done versus what is being done which somehow relates to responsibility. Maturity to me is that sense of, I could play a game now or do my homework...and then picking to finish my homework first without anyone making me choose it.

Although Rob will say how he whined at me yesterday because I decided to slough off my homework and play Final Fantasy 8 to its conclusion. But not before putting all my Guardian Forces and their abilities into a spreadsheet to determine the best mix of GF's amongst the characters. SIGH. In any case, I finally finished the game, which I've been playing on and off now for gee...four years? Something like that. And it was very well worth it; the ending was quite satisfying. I tried to get Rob to come over and watch it with me, as I knew from FFVII's finale that you can't save the game after finishing the last boss fight so you have to watch the cinematics right there and then...but no, he was too busy with EQ just then. Now I'll have to finish it again so he can watch it :)

As Calvin and Hobbes would say, the days are simply packed! Progress in various directions is always a good sign, and I appear to be making some progress in various directions.

A check of my unofficial transcripts revealed that I am on the Vice Principal's List -- and this time, it's a good thing. Instead of a "Dean's List" our college keeps the VP's List of the students who have a high GPA. Go me! :) Now to just keep that up! I did pretty poorly on our civil litigation midterm, not unexpectedly but certainly enough to lower my grade for the class. I have to work to bring that up. In my Employment law and my Ethics classes I should be getting A's. Of course, finals are in two more weeks so that could change, but I'm anticipating doing well in those classes.

In addition, I am working toward finding an unpaid paralegal internship somewhere in employment law; pay would be nice but in the legal field paid internships are generally reserved for associates. After flipping through the phone book, I did a Google search and came up with a few likely suspects so I emailed them my resume and a tidy cover letter explaining my goal. Friday afternoon, one of them emailed me back and expressed interest in using me. Could be because I used the "F" word in my cover letter. I ended a paragraph with something like: "I would gladly discuss the possibility of working for your firm for free." Hah!

Rob's not feeling well today but I still dragged him up to Seattle's Asian Art Museum where Tibetan monks were creating a sand mandala. I've always wanted to see one live instead of on TV; it was breathtakingly beautiful and bright. The sheer number of hours that go into creating one of these transient works of art is mind-boggling! Tomorrow, after it's been completed, there'll be a short ceremony and then the mandala is swept away. Kind of like a picture puzzle where you spend hours putting it together only to break it apart for storage; only in the case of a sand mandala, the breaking up is permanent for that design. Simply amazing.