You know, some days it doesn't pay to pick up the phone and make a call to the unemployment office.

In today's episode, they decided I am not eligible for retraining because there are job openings for administrative workers in my area. Well! I suppose I should be grateful that my un-skilled labor at a keyboard is so much more useful than having another paralegal in the marketplace! I should be thankful that they recognized how important it is to be able to file alphabetically, to answer telephones and to sort incoming mail! This is indeed the job recognition I'd been hoping for, that someone sees the glory of being a secretary and has determined that this is a career that I should look forward to for gainful employment for the rest of my life. Why hadn't I decided early on that I wanted to be a clerk for my remaining work years? I could have spared myself the agony of school schedules, the difficulties of getting into the right classes and all that. Why should I try to better myself while receiving unemployment benefits that I've paid into over the last twenty years and never needed previously?

If only I'd been laid off from the aerospace or forestry industries. I bet I'd be eligible for retraining then. Feh.

I spoke with both my old bosses today, Liz and Larry. Liz is going up to Tom's place to see his new baby girl this afternoon. Larry's moving to LA in the next month or so. He and I were laughing about the glories of unemployment benefits because when he was let go a couple of years ago, the state had denied him retraining benefits as well (how ironic, since when we were talking, I still thought I was going to get my eligibility letter). He's also had his share of ex-spouse issues, which for him wrap up in another week or so. His problem has been he's overly generous and fair-minded, and so he expects the folks he deals with will treat him the same way. Hmm. Sounds like someone I see every morning when I look in the mirror. :/

How does one continue to try to do the right things and follow the rules and play the games correctly and still end up getting screwed by the same right things and rules and games?

Some good news... the Financial Aid office person at the college was very nice! She said they don't receive the information on federal aid until July 1, so I have time to worry over that. That's when I'll get to appeal the amount the feds suggest I'm eligible for and the amount I actually make now.

How can I get a copy of my own 1997 tax return? :( It used to be in my office desk drawer with the rest of them, but I packed up so hastily that last day, now I can't find it. Suggestions are welcome.

The weather outlook is relatively good for the next few days. That'll be great! I need to sit out and toast my legs a bit so they don't look all winter pasty next week in St. Louis.

Rob brought me a gift yesterday. Remember that he is a locksmith and his gift reflects his professional good taste. I now have a waist-high, needs two guys to move it around, fireproof safe. It's in the garage because of course, I shrieked, "There's no ROOM in here for that!" as Rob and Chris were wrestling it up the steps from the concrete slab. "It's fireproof," Rob said, as though that explained why I should welcome it inside my sparsely decorated abode.

It's a very nice safe, pretty roomy on the inside. Rob and Chris figured if they fold Phil up a certain way, he'll fit inside. Men.

It also beats the little lockbox I currently use to hold my valuable papers, what few of them fit into it. At least with this big honking safe, I can put away all my tax forms and not lose one of them :)

Hmmm. One of my staffers has come up with this creative solution to having gear specific to the little game without mentioning its name.

I don't have a beard. Maybe a little peachy fuzz on my lip, but certainly not a curly, collarbone scraping one as depicted in the artwork (which you can see by clicking on the Zoom button).

It happened thusly: following a discussion of swearing and use of masked vulgarity, during which I suggested someone come up with a suitable ancient Greeky alternative to mixed up garbage characters from the keyboard. Someone suggested several things, including swearing by the beard of.... and naturally, that's the only one that stuck in people's minds, probably because I objected since, as mentioned above, I don't have a beard.

And I don't. But if you'd like to help fund the Par-tay and have some proceeds go toward the WTC relief fund, by all means, buy gear that depicts someone who doesn't look like me because she has a beard from this website.

The cherubs sleep in again. Rob was up till 3AM playing EQ so he's still abed as well. I thought about getting up earlier but drifted back into sleep again.

The convention is a couple of weeks away. I feel unprepared, having devoted the last two months to my joblessness, my school applicationing and my cherubs. Does time ever work toward one's advantage? I just wish that I had only one hurdle to concentrate on.

The cherubs are sleeping. A pot of coffee is gurgling out the last bits of water. Oatmeal (Scottish, of course, Broos) waits for me to serve it up with sides of brown sugar, dates and maple syrup. The boys have the day off, so we'll have a four day weekend.

Later on, after breakfast, I'm taking the boys and a couple of their friends to see Star Wars again. I read someplace that one of the effects people put a cow into the asteroid scene so I'm going to try to find it.

Yesterday I applied for federal financial aid. Their website makes it fairly painless, only there's no place to show that since the last time I filed taxes I've been laid off. Still, I guess I can take their determination with me to the college and explain it in person. On the bright side, at the end of filling out the online application, it said I'd be eligible for aid, but probably at some reduced amount since they think I have a job. Hah! Double hah!

I'll be volunteering up at Phil's school again. They're finishing up a science segment on the brain. Today, they are going to dissect a ... sheep's brain. Rob said, "When they plop it on the table, Phil, I want to you look all disappointed and demand to know where the rest of it is. Tell them you were expecting you'd be dissecting the brain with the rest of it still attached."

My job is to make sure he doesn't ask :)

Huzzah! A cry in the wilderness has been heard! Finally, Melissa and Matt photos!

My cherubs and I went to Episode II today. Poor Rob was on call, so he couldn't go with us. The boys and I went after school. It was much better than Episode I. I'm wondering how they wipe out C3PO's memory so well that he has no recollection of the name Skywalker, or the moisture farm, or anything at all about Tatooine in time for the original Star Wars to take place.

Rob bought EQ for me and thoughtfully installed it on my PC, plus his extra PC on his desk. My little wood elf bard had so many dead bodies strewn through the forest, they started numbering my corpses. For some reason, I find I'm not interested in EQ the way I with Sims or with the big or little game. It feels like there's so many things to keep track of and all these buttons to push. Another player tried to talk to me one night and I brushed past him on my way somewhere else. The cherubs, watching over my shoulder, were like, "Hey! that guy's talking to you!" and I said, "Yeah, but I'm not interested in making any friends, I have enough trouble figuring this place out." I don't suppose I'll win any popularity contests this way.

The unexpected side result though is that the cherubs have been on a very good behaviour pattern since EQ was installed. As they work their way out of various restrictions, they have gained back four hours of "free" time that they can use to watch TV (for shows other than Antiques Roadshow, which they are required to watch with me) or play on the computer. They are choosing to play EQ. Chris has brought up every single one of his grades since he's been living with me. I have the report card to prove it. So as his reward, he will earn one hour of play time per day. Phil earns additional playing time by getting ready on time for school in the morning.

The trouble is that I don't want this game to eat their lives. I don't mind if they don't watch any TV. But I don't want to find them staring glassy eyed at the PC screen all the time, either.

I want my boys to be with me all the time. Please pray that this is what happens. Every time I turn around it seems something else comes up and I'm just so sad about it all. I'm still waiting too for my letter from the state absolving me from three job searches a week. My registration appointment for school is Tuesday afternoon. Finishing up the paralegal certificate would be so wonderful. Getting unemployment while doing it would make my life run more smoothly.

Bureaucracy is the bane of our lives, isn't it? Currently, I have a 'tentative' approval to go to school while on unemployment, thanks to a lovely worker retraining program. Until I have 'official' approval, however, I'm still required to do three job activities per week, such as submitting applications etc.

I asked yesterday when I called, "What happens if I actually get offered a job before school starts? I'll have to decline because I'd be starting school. Will that cause my unemployment benefit to be cancelled for noncompliance?" Instead of a straight answer (like, yes or no) the phone rep could only re-read to me the tentative approval letter, noting that it wasn't an official approval, and then state that I need to keep applying to three places every week or I'll lose my benefits.

So I'm searching, but it seems so odd to me to be applying for jobs that...well, I hope I won't get. That seems to defeat the purpose of the whole worker retraining program.

Where are you, Sooooz? :( I miss you.

When you're down and feeling blue, this might be a quick smile-bringer.

So tell me, am I evil? Drop me a line and send me some positive feedback as this morning all I feel is gloomy, despite the lovely sight of Corey's roses and the kite.

I started working on links, but they depressed me with their magnatude. A shame I was so prolific early on, before Blogger. ;)

On the good news front, I've been tentatively approved for the paralegal retraining program. It's a relief to my mind to have this approval set out as now I can constructively plan ahead. Not too far ahead as the class schedules are released only quarterly, but in advance enough so that I won't be wringing my hands over this in a month.

Because I've taken so many classes over the course of the past ...ooooh, 20.... years, I'm done with most of the elective requirements for the paralegal certificate. It would be event better for me if I could get the degree, but at the very least, having the certificate will enable me to say that I've gotten it.

The other night, Philip noticed my tarot card deck and played with it, painstakingly reading the definitions of the cards from a little tiny book I have in addition to the larger tarot book I keep on my desk for in-game soothsaying. Last night, I shuffled the cards and thought about how difficult the month of April was and how different my life is now than it was even 25 days ago. I pulled three cards from the top of the deck, much as I do when doing readings for the players. Past, current situation, and what may yet be... And upon looking up the meanings in my book, I sighed because it's so close to what goes on around me.

The past...the Tower. A bolt from the blue, says the book. Indeed. The collapse of a structure. Double indeed. A sudden and swift change. Uh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me.
Currently... the Hanged Man. Readjustment, suspended in time...a period of waiting and the midst of a major transition. Okay...
What may yet be... the five of Wands. And I quote, "You may need to compete or face an exciting challenge to get what you want." Legal challenges are possible.

My days are filled with activity and motion. There are several fronts upon which I have to do things. Hearing about the school approval is a great relief to me as it frees my mind to move on to other challenges. Lots of changes.

I want the boys to stay with me. Yet I must prepare my heart in the event they want to go back. When I reshuffled the cards and turned over three for Chris, the final card was the three of swords, heartache. What I think is best for them may not be what they want. Whatever happens, it is a heartache.

Working with updating the archives. It's a big chore but thankfully, the posting seems to work okay to Netscape, so that's one headache solved. The blog will be here while the rest of the junk will be stored at ATTBI over here. So if you're only peeking at the blog (and I wouldn't blame you), you'll want the first link. If you worry about my 12 shares, you can hook to the ATTBI page and check the Pellets.

This morning I spent an hour volunteering at Phil's school. There's a little over a month of school left, so I may as well spend some time seeing how the school operates.

Coming up this weekend, Chris will be going on an overnighter with his youth group. That means Rob and I will have but one cherub to entertain us. Who'll do all the chores? Will the weather cooperate so that we can have Phil wash and wax both cars?