I've spent the last two days just sort of numb, thinking so much about Suz and how much she means to me. It's not only that she got me and Rob interested in each other, although that's a big part. It's not that she took me over to the little game and then let me grow up there to slip into her job title when she moved on. It's not just me.
A lot of it is how she nurtured and encouraged everyone. I read what everyone says about her, and one thing Steph said on the bulletin board is so true: this is someone about whom all the expressions of admiration are true. Suz really did make everyone's lives brighter. She really did have the capacity to love and hug and touch all of our lives, leaving us with some of our fondest memories. When folks got inflamed, she was soothing. And yet it's not like she didn't have a temper, or was so saintly she never got mad. But she always came back with such warmth and forgiveness and love. When I say I want to grow up to be like her, that's what I mean. I want to be able to inspire warmth this way. It's a struggle for me, I'm so rebellious; but maybe someday...
Her voice was so beautiful too. When I first heard her speak, I thought, "Wow, this is what a 'melodious voice' sounds like." She could've read me the phone book and it would've been a relaxing experience. I'm sorry I didn't call her more often just to hear her speak. I don't like talking on the phone and do most of my work by email. On the bright side, I have many of her emails that I can read over and in my mind, hear her reading them to me.
Yesterday was a blur of class, scheduling flights, emails with other cohorts who are planning to go to San Diego for the memorial. I got home from my last class at nearly 8PM, which is much later than usual. Not long after I walked in the door, the phone rang. It was my doctor, which immediately caused concern; I know doctors don't call their patients to say hi and I'd had my annual exam just last week. "You have an abnormal pap smear," she said, "Please make an appointment right away with a gynecologist." This is my second abnormal test in two years.
And here all I thought I had to worry about is my first mammogram, scheduled for next week. This fortieth birthday year is really suckwad.
A lot of it is how she nurtured and encouraged everyone. I read what everyone says about her, and one thing Steph said on the bulletin board is so true: this is someone about whom all the expressions of admiration are true. Suz really did make everyone's lives brighter. She really did have the capacity to love and hug and touch all of our lives, leaving us with some of our fondest memories. When folks got inflamed, she was soothing. And yet it's not like she didn't have a temper, or was so saintly she never got mad. But she always came back with such warmth and forgiveness and love. When I say I want to grow up to be like her, that's what I mean. I want to be able to inspire warmth this way. It's a struggle for me, I'm so rebellious; but maybe someday...
Her voice was so beautiful too. When I first heard her speak, I thought, "Wow, this is what a 'melodious voice' sounds like." She could've read me the phone book and it would've been a relaxing experience. I'm sorry I didn't call her more often just to hear her speak. I don't like talking on the phone and do most of my work by email. On the bright side, I have many of her emails that I can read over and in my mind, hear her reading them to me.
Yesterday was a blur of class, scheduling flights, emails with other cohorts who are planning to go to San Diego for the memorial. I got home from my last class at nearly 8PM, which is much later than usual. Not long after I walked in the door, the phone rang. It was my doctor, which immediately caused concern; I know doctors don't call their patients to say hi and I'd had my annual exam just last week. "You have an abnormal pap smear," she said, "Please make an appointment right away with a gynecologist." This is my second abnormal test in two years.
And here all I thought I had to worry about is my first mammogram, scheduled for next week. This fortieth birthday year is really suckwad.
posted by Owl Chick at 11/15/2002 08:51:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home