Jean's father passed away last week. He's been sick for quite some time, lung cancer and emphysema. Earlier this year when they opened him up to operate, they found that his tumor had progressed to where it would not be wise to operate, so they stitched him back up.

Earlier this month when I was over at her house, she and I talked about it. Her dad being so sick, and Rob's mom was sick, too (this was the weekend before we went to VA to see his mom before she died), so it was on our minds. I haven't called her yet, though. Liz emailed me the news this morning but said that Jean was still too heartbroken to talk.

Dear Abby says that when someone experiences a loss, well-meaning friends shouldn't say, "Call me if you need anything," but should just show right on up bearing armloads of clean laundry, freezer casseroles and other essentials that the bereaved person may not ask for but still needs. I wasn't raised that way; I'm not sure if I could get up the nerve to show up someplace, uninvited, even though I intend to be helpful and useful.

What do you say, though? How do you tell someone that you love them dearly and really do mean that they should call? Or is Dear Abby right?